On Super Bowl Sunday here, I'm thinking about what really lasts in any of our lives.

In every profession, there's a Holy Grail that we hold out as the exemplar of success. For the film world, it's winning an Oscar. For athletes, it's a gold medal at the Olympics. And for actors who do television commercials, it's getting on a Super Bowl spot.


It's often the subject of your phrase, "If I could just..." or, "If only I had..."

We imagine that once we hold that Holy Grail, all the pieces will fall into place and we'll be living in some sort of perpetual Shangri-La.

I had my first taste of the illusion of fame in the tiniest of ways when in 1998, as an actor, I landed a role in a Super Bowl ad for Holiday Inn. I was beyond excited. Some colleagues said it would be a landmark in my commercial career, giving me huge exposure to millions of viewers and putting me ahead with casting agents. Some said it would be a blast to shoot. Others said it would bring in tons of money. (As an actor, you get paid each time the spot airs, unless it's a straight "buy out".)

Well, none of that happened. It did not make my career: I was barely recognizable in the shot (given lighting, hair, make up and the brief sliver of time on screen) and at the most, casting directors gave me a nod of "congrats" and then it was back to business as usual. It did not make me a ton of money: the spot was yanked from the air right after the Super Bowl. And the shoot was a bit of a chore: we worked long hours for 2 days recreating a jury room scene in a stuffy room, filming from every possible angle...all to gather footage for a 30-second spot.

When the commercial finally aired, it was indeed a high. The high, however, was over in 2 seconds. Literally. My 2 seconds of fame.

So...whatever it is you hold forth as your Holy Grail, remember that it in and of itself will not necessarily last.

What does last: the experience, learning, skills, new perspectives, platform and the creativity, connections and community you develop. If and when you finally hold that Holy Grail, remember that the days behind and those ahead hold a deeper meaning...far more than the sliver of fame that fades as fast as a few frames in a TV ad.

To watch my Super Bowl spot, click the link below, and look for my smirk at the 00:22 second mark. And watch closely, because it'll be over before you know it.

This past weekend, three of my closest friends and I had a mini reunion. We all live in different locations now, but we share a 30 year history, and having gone to both high school and college together, the bonds are intense, multi-layered, and packed with stories.

It was a weekend of hilarity and laughter -- the kind that makes your face hurt. And to this we added some long walks, long talks, and a few great adventures.

In the flurry of our daily lives, most of us tend to focus on work and on family, and when we can in a given week, on sprinkling in a little entertainment and time with newer friends.

But boy, to carve out a weekend for that kind of "return to your past" experience? That was something.

So in your world, who is that close friend or cluster of close friends from long ago -- the kind you don't connect with often but with whom when you do, you feel like no time has passed? These are the kind of people who make you guffaw with glee: "Can you believe we....?" or  "Do you remember the time when we...?"   

For my small clan, these last 48 hours had the equivalent effect of a week's vacation. It put us all in a time warp...a cocoon of time...and we came out the other side (today) more awake, more relaxed and grateful for the care we have for one another and grateful for all we share.

In today's crazy-busy-nutty world that (as MasterCard would say) is PRICELESS.

So who is that friend or group of friends for you? Pick up the phone. And plan a date. 

Trading photos on Facebook isn't quite the same as being there live, taking photos and laughing til your face hurts.  
  

At some point, most of us want to quit. 

Something keeps us going.

For each person it's different, but for each person, it's a driving force...what I call "The Through Line."

This week my dear pal Jim Freydberg, the Broadway producer, sent me the image below.

I loved it. I looked it up and it turns out the image is all over the internet.

What I suspect makes this drawing so popular is that we all feel at times like we're in that tangled mess...and we all think it's wrong.

Sometimes we're the sailing arrow; sometimes we're in the squiggles...(or as the guitarist/songwriter Mark Knopfler says, "Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.")

It's nice to know that everyone goes through this. Success is filled with screw ups, struggles and sideways steps. Welcome to life.

Years ago in the 1990s, I called Jim in a moment of great despair. I needed some advice and I needed someone who knew the emotional terrain of the performing arts. As a producer, he'd won a Tony award and not many years later, another one of his productions was panned by the press. He'd gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. So I knew he'd understand.

"I want to quit," I murmured into the phone. He listened, absorbed what I was saying, and then replied. His voice was calm.

"You can't quit. You can take a break, but you can't quit."

I got back up on my feet, and I kept going. I had something I wanted to share. It wasn't entirely formed, it wasn't entirely clear, but I knew it had something to do with helping people live life on their own terms, risk forward, and express their vision.

I believe The Through Line is at the core of every business, every Broadway show, every presentation...and every life. Your Through Line is why you do what you do, and once you know that, everything changes. It's not about the goal; it's about something much, much larger.

Whether you're in the tangled mess or panned by the press, reconnecting with your Through Line will help you find your way out. Every time. 

A few months ago, on a trip out to the Bay Area, I met up with the one and only Nancy Duarte.

Nancy is the principal of Duarte Design -- an extraordinarily creative and successful communications firm specializing in presentation graphics, superb PowerPoint for presenters, presentation structure, and the crafting of a given corporation or individual's "story".

Nancy is not only the author of Slide:ology and Resonate (two fantastic books I recommend to every one of my presentation skills coaching clients); she also happens to be an incredibly generous, open-minded, humble and SILLY person...which of course, I love.

That mix of high intelligence, creativity, professionalism and a willingness to laugh freely? Priceless.

Below is our video interview.

Here we discuss a few key components of my work -- what executives, presenters, communicators and sales teams can learn from the performing arts; and what I call "The Prism Effect", "The Through Line", "Stopping Time" and "Velcro Communication".

In the middle of our interview, two Duarte team members showed up with a big surprise.

Enjoy.

V

What are the places and activities that bring you the most creative JUICE?

For me, it's the empty dance studio at the gym. It's partly where I work out, partly where I day dream, partly where I create.

When I'm not on the road, with a client or in my office, I'm often in either of these studios with paper & pens, with index cards and with music.

What is your place of creativity? Where do you find grounding?

Too many days on the road, in airports or conference rooms or at my desk without time HERE leads me to feel a bit off-kilter.

What is the equivalent for you?

As we approach the transition into 2012 and recognize that the New Year is not far away, what projects come to mind? What would you like to accomplish? What is the metaphorical marathon you would like to run?

This month and particularly on Dec 31, many people will be making a list of plans and of New Year's resolutions. The key, though, is to determine if those really are the resolutions and visions you care most about. 

We live in an "outside in" culture, unconsciously setting up goals that have often been established for us by our social circle, society, business, or industry.  It can become, as the great psychoanalyst Karen Horney called it, "The Tyranny of the Shoulds".

But what really matters to you?  What ideas and visions resonate for you? What makes your heart sing? 

Fulfilling a large goal can be like running a marathon, but if your plans are aligned with your true purpose and passion, the going won't be quite so tough. And wouldn't it be cool if when you finally cross that finish line, it's for your true vision vs. someone else's or what you thought you "should" do?